The responses I received yesterday after my post were overwhelming. I heard from close friends and from long-lost friends who are either going through what Mike and I went through, have gone through it, or have gone through far worse but still understood what I meant by the feeling of bitterness.
I also heard from some on the other side of the spectrum, those who got lucky the first or second time around.
I just want to clarify that by sharing yesterday's post, I was not trying to offend anyone on any side of the spectrum, least of all those who did get pregnant quickly. (If you know me, you know that I spend a lot of my time looking for ways to not offend people, especially family and friends.)
My family is quick to remind me that I do not hide my emotions well (either on my face or in my writing), so if at any point in the last year, I made friends or family uncomfortable because my unfortunate bitterness came through, I am sorry. It was never my intention then or now. And while I may have been bitter, it didn't mean I was any less happy for your situation. It's always hard to walk in another's shoes, and if you did get lucky with pregnancy the first or second time around, I hope that the next time you don't have to walk in mine. But if you do, know that I'm here for you as a sympathetic ear.
I also heard from friends who had troubles with their first or second pregnancies but got pregnant immediately when they started trying again. So that's always good to hear that what happened for us this time may not happen the next time around. And if it does, it does.
Last, if you read the comments I posted about things people say to married women and thought, "Did I say that?" or "Did I say something similar?" or "Did I offend her?" or something along those lines, let me say that we've all been there. While the things I wrote sound very specific, for the most part, they weren't said to me just once and you can substitute words in and out to get a variety of the things that have been said to me. I've heard a lot of questions like the ones I posted over the last two and a half years; it's just only in the last year where they affected me more than usual. I'm sure I was guilty of dancing that line before; it's only because of my experiences that I have learned to watch what I say in these situations, and I was merely trying to educate others to possibly do the same. I acknowledged that the people who asked me questions such as the ones I mentioned didn't necessarily know we were trying. To them the conversations were harmless and friendly and they certainly never meant them maliciously or in a way to offend me. But that didn't change how I internalized it.
Yesterday's post was a way to share what Mike and I went through with my family and friends. To let them know that if they're secretly going through something similar, that we know what it's like. Over the last year I read many message boards, trying to find the support and advice I was looking for. But I had a hard time identifying with the women on there. They were strangers (and a lot of them wrote in "text talk" or used poor spelling and grammar, which just made my inability to connect greater; let's call it an occupational hazard). I wanted to put myself out there for my friends and family so they had a face, a name, a personal connection to someone they could talk to if they ever needed to. That's all. If I upset anyone in the process, I am sorry.
At the end of the day, all I want is for people to be happy. (Eek, what a Miss America response; perhaps I should tack on world peace while I'm at it.) And regardless of what stage of life you're in, or where you fall on the pregnancy spectrum, I hope that you are.
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